Tired Today

Originally posted 12/30/2009

Today I had to tell my three small children that their mommy and daddy aren’t going to be living together anymore. It was not easy for them, and I wish it wasn’t necessary, but I know I am making the best possible decision for our family.
Staying together for the kids isn’t an option, and I don’t think it should be for anyone. TRYING to make things work for the kids is important! I think people should do that, but when you get to the point where you absolutely know it is the wrong thing to do...you need to trust your instincts. And that is what I am doing.
The choice to NOT stay married did not come lightly to me. It didn’t come up suddenly either; I have known for a while that this was the likely road for my future, sometimes things are broken beyond repair. I TRIED to work on things, believe me I tried. I tried even while I was being told that I didn’t care and wasn’t trying. I tried everything I could. Talking. Writing. Yelling. Screaming. Crying. Laughing. Placating. Submitting. None of it worked, and none of it will, not in this situation.
I know that what this marriage takes to make it work would involve me denying who I am, and that is not something I am willing to do any longer. My children deserve a mother and father who are both confident, independent, reliable, strong people; they will have that for my part no matter what, and hopefully their father will feel the same way and be able to execute a plan of action that brings those qualities about for himself.
I have the most amazing children who deserve amazing things in their little lives, and I insist upon bringing those things to them! Gavin, Owen, and Annalise are my lights and direction. I adore them, and as important as I am...they are far more so. Now I will go to sleep so I can wake up with them in the morning and snuggle. :)