It was a tragic day at the Cascarano (though admittedly 3/4 "Deretich") Household the day my iPod speaker dock finally bit the dust. For literally months prior to its demise, I could only turn the volume UP on the thing, which was mildly acceptable to yours truly as that is the only direction I feel music should be "turned" (with the exception of the majority of popular country music, which should only be turned "off") I also had to hold the iPod into place using a makeshift stand in order for it to properly connect with the device. It sounded like crap and looked even worse, but dammit it was mine and I had a deep appreciation for it and the years of faithful service it provided.
Ever since it ceased even attempting its duty I had been living in a state of squalor; forced to listen to music either through my ear buds or the speakers on my laptop; even more annoyingly I had to REMEMBER to charge my iPod through alternative means (apparently something I struggle with) and as a result suffered from a lack of music all too often; my children complained on a regular basis that they had to share computer time with iTunes...
That is until my birthday, when I received an amazing and unexpected gift in the form of a new iPod speaker dock!!! It is black, has a 10 hour rechargeable battery (meaning I drag it along with me throughout the house), both increases and decreases in volume, sounds lovely, doesn't require a box to keep it in place, and the pièce de résistance is that it has a remote! I am utterly in love. My ridiculous feelings on independence and relationships have gone out the window and I would marry this thing if it weren't wrong on so many levels. All this combined with my wonderful 120 GB iPod classic, that has taken many a beating yet keeps on ticking, I am in a state of bliss.
Now I'm off to enjoy my music and continue the arduous task of preparing my young children for a mere three weeks of school before they get yet another two weeks off.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Best of the Best
I'm very blessed to have April as my best friend. I love her dearly and thank my lucky stars daily for having her in my life...xoxo
(I would also like to state for the record that I did not include the text that says "Stacey is awesome" in the picture. Accurate though the statement may be, I am not quite THAT vain, just currently incapable of properly editing) :-D
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Snowy Saturday
Spending this Saturday in the comfort of my "house," drinking coffee, reading my book, playing games with kiddos (who have thus far remained relatively well-behaved), and enjoying the last weekend of track break before the boys return to school after getting the month of November off. Both boys have expressed a marked desire to NOT resume school on Monday, therefore I am sure that morning will be a jubilation filled extravaganza of epic proportions; I'm already dreading the sound of my own voice as I attempt to get the kids ready for school. Yikes.
For Annalise, however, Monday can simply not come soon enough. In my outrageously spoiled four year old's eyes, "Mommy Time" is TOPS! And I'm choosing to embrace and enjoy this time with my daughter, because I know that this is fleeting and all too soon this child (who is already eerily like me) will become an independent young lady making her way in the world.
On an entirely separate note, I am now 29 years old. Spent the majority of my birthday in solitude, went to the bookstore, met my girlfriends for dinner and drinks, then had ice cream with my kids. Gavin made me a card that says, "Happy Birthday Mom! I love you! I hope you will like this! I'm happy it's your birthday! Can you please fix the computer? Hmm...will you? Hmm...maybe? Love, Gavin" He wouldn't let anyone read it until after I had. Cracked me up. Owen's said, "Happy Birthday. Mom I like you because you are nice. Love, Owen." :) Annalise drew me a picture of a banana.
Birthday outta the way means Christmas is just around the corner, time to scrape together money for presents. Who needs their house cleaned in exchange for cash money? Money, Cash, Hoes? Anyone? No? Whatever, that was awesome.
As I have yet to fix the computer, as requested by my son on my birthday, I have no pictures to add to this, just imagine something amazing because I'm sure that's what I would have included had I not chosen to ignore the fact that my macbook is requiring frequent "force quits" to function in the most diminutive way...
For Annalise, however, Monday can simply not come soon enough. In my outrageously spoiled four year old's eyes, "Mommy Time" is TOPS! And I'm choosing to embrace and enjoy this time with my daughter, because I know that this is fleeting and all too soon this child (who is already eerily like me) will become an independent young lady making her way in the world.
On an entirely separate note, I am now 29 years old. Spent the majority of my birthday in solitude, went to the bookstore, met my girlfriends for dinner and drinks, then had ice cream with my kids. Gavin made me a card that says, "Happy Birthday Mom! I love you! I hope you will like this! I'm happy it's your birthday! Can you please fix the computer? Hmm...will you? Hmm...maybe? Love, Gavin" He wouldn't let anyone read it until after I had. Cracked me up. Owen's said, "Happy Birthday. Mom I like you because you are nice. Love, Owen." :) Annalise drew me a picture of a banana.
Birthday outta the way means Christmas is just around the corner, time to scrape together money for presents. Who needs their house cleaned in exchange for cash money? Money, Cash, Hoes? Anyone? No? Whatever, that was awesome.
As I have yet to fix the computer, as requested by my son on my birthday, I have no pictures to add to this, just imagine something amazing because I'm sure that's what I would have included had I not chosen to ignore the fact that my macbook is requiring frequent "force quits" to function in the most diminutive way...
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Tredici
The Netherlands will be an obvious place, but I need to decide which other countries, sites, etc, I wish to visit during that trip, it's overwhelming just thinking about it. You may not know this about me, but I am a bit of a nerd. I read history books for fun. A lot of them. A quite common phrase I hear is, "How can you read that?" Well, the answer is...I'm a nerd. So there you have it. My point being that my adoration of all things historical will play a roll in my decision making process and I fear that roll will be making said process more difficult. Being made only more complicated by my wish also to visit the countries of my lineage; Italy, Germany, Scotland, and Norway.
I should just do what I've thought about for years and move there and just take trips every weekend and throughout the year. Though I fear that would only serve to alleviate one stress, while adding a whole host of others...Suppose I'll hold off for the time being.
Adding to all this complexity is my damn desire to visit EVERYWHERE else. I've been fortunate enough to live in a variety of places in the United States; South West, East, Pacific Northwest, and landing in Idaho. I've traveled this country a fair amount during my 28 (really 29) years as well, and have enjoyed it greatly; however, there are many more places I intend to visit...
Perhaps I should just go to school for something that requires travel. Hmm, I'm just going to keep dreaming and see what I will make happen...
Friday, November 05, 2010
Here we go again...
Oh my stars, here we go; the last year of my 20's is about to commence; I better get some of the crazy crap out of the way before I become an old spinster ("old spinster" may be a tad redundant). Piercing something perhaps? I can hear the gasps from my parents house now... No worries Mom and Dad, likely the piercing wont be visible anyway. Never mind, I'll save my money for gas, soap, and other household items. Damn responsibility.
Nietzsche had some good points (his last decade of mental instability aside, of course), my favorite of which is, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Almost 3 Years Ago...
I wrote this almost 3 years ago, and only a few short months after Carrie's death:
A metaphor for life? Or the product of an overactive imagination? You be the judge...
A few days ago the weather outside was beautiful, warmer than it has been but with just enough of a bite in the wind to warrant a blanket for the 4 month old infant I dragged along with me outside. I sat on the swing in my yard enjoying the fresh air and cool breeze as I watched my three children laugh and play without a care in the world.
My sister Carrie's baby boy, Miles, had his head resting sweetly on my chest while covered by a blanket (a BLUE one Mom!! :) The sky was a brilliant blue with only white fluffy clouds in sight. I sat there and completely enjoyed the moment; thinking of nothing but my abundant blessings until something guided my head in the opposite direction: Towards the sun, which was veiled by several of the most exquisite clouds I had ever beheld. They were the same fluffy white as the others and each a different shape and size, but these were outlined in a majestic bright-white light from the sun behind them.
I was drawn to these clouds as though they were a destination somehow, but something was in the way of my object -- my neighbor's globe willow -- still empty of leaves from the cold winter that is still not quite over of yet. So my line of sight to those beautiful clouds was partially obstructed by the thicket of branches from that tree, and in order to see I had to maneuver my eyes through, between, and around each one. It wasn't easy, but I did it and the sight I beheld was well worth the extra work. The view was simply magnificent.
After staring at the breathtaking splendor for some time, I glanced down at Miles, who had fallen asleep, and immediately related this experience to my own life. The clouds seemed to resemble my desires, aspirations, spiritual understanding, etc. I likened the multiple tree branches to my existence and the many inevitable obstacles that it entails. So while I am currently making my way through the limbs (which often feel more like bramble) of life, I know I will eventually make it to the other side...Here's hoping the rest of the road out is a bit easier than what I've left in my wake. :)
A metaphor for life? Or the product of an overactive imagination? You be the judge...
A few days ago the weather outside was beautiful, warmer than it has been but with just enough of a bite in the wind to warrant a blanket for the 4 month old infant I dragged along with me outside. I sat on the swing in my yard enjoying the fresh air and cool breeze as I watched my three children laugh and play without a care in the world.
My sister Carrie's baby boy, Miles, had his head resting sweetly on my chest while covered by a blanket (a BLUE one Mom!! :) The sky was a brilliant blue with only white fluffy clouds in sight. I sat there and completely enjoyed the moment; thinking of nothing but my abundant blessings until something guided my head in the opposite direction: Towards the sun, which was veiled by several of the most exquisite clouds I had ever beheld. They were the same fluffy white as the others and each a different shape and size, but these were outlined in a majestic bright-white light from the sun behind them.
I was drawn to these clouds as though they were a destination somehow, but something was in the way of my object -- my neighbor's globe willow -- still empty of leaves from the cold winter that is still not quite over of yet. So my line of sight to those beautiful clouds was partially obstructed by the thicket of branches from that tree, and in order to see I had to maneuver my eyes through, between, and around each one. It wasn't easy, but I did it and the sight I beheld was well worth the extra work. The view was simply magnificent.
After staring at the breathtaking splendor for some time, I glanced down at Miles, who had fallen asleep, and immediately related this experience to my own life. The clouds seemed to resemble my desires, aspirations, spiritual understanding, etc. I likened the multiple tree branches to my existence and the many inevitable obstacles that it entails. So while I am currently making my way through the limbs (which often feel more like bramble) of life, I know I will eventually make it to the other side...Here's hoping the rest of the road out is a bit easier than what I've left in my wake. :)
Me
Originally posted 6/18/2010
What is there to say about me? I mean, I guess I’m pretty normal...
Things I love: my kids, my family, my friends, LAUGHING, music, entertainment, learning new things, sarcasm, snuggling, honesty, tattoos, people who make me step outside of my comfort zone, texting (because I am a parent most of the time and asking people to “hold on” so I can talk to my kids is annoying), swinging (on a swing, not the partner swapping kind, tho I’m open minded ;), food, my heritage, parenting, history, going to the movies, feeling special, cooking (as long as it’s not for my can’t-wait-for-him-to-be-my-ex-husband), driving around, beauty, being outdoors, being called on my sh!t, cheering at my sisters softball games, freedom to be myself, love, people who accept me for who I am and realize I’m not changing, sports (even the ones I don’t know as much about), iced skinny sugar free vanilla lattes, people who make me laugh, McCall trips with my best friends e.g., talking, sun tanning (burning), drinking, back tickling, skinny dipping, swimming, pictures, laughing, etc., being made fun of :), writing, kids, playing...sooooooo many things.
Things I don’t love so much: Divorce, being hit, my kids being gone, anyone I have to explain my jokes to all the time, hangovers, slow drivers, closed-minded people, ignorance, anxiety, not getting enough sleep, waiting, losing my iPod, being a procrastinator (damn me!), being lied to, people not being forthright, having to call the police, death in general, not getting what I want (surprise, surprise), being bored, my jacked up back, antiphospholipid syndrome, not having a car, money, being told what to do, stupid umpires...too many things. :D
I am just a regular chick. I’m not a jealous person at all, I don’t hold grudges and get over things fast, I’m pretty laid back about most things...though when I’m fired up you probably wanna stand back. So there you go, a little glimpse into the amazingness that is me, enjoy.
What is there to say about me? I mean, I guess I’m pretty normal...
Things I love: my kids, my family, my friends, LAUGHING, music, entertainment, learning new things, sarcasm, snuggling, honesty, tattoos, people who make me step outside of my comfort zone, texting (because I am a parent most of the time and asking people to “hold on” so I can talk to my kids is annoying), swinging (on a swing, not the partner swapping kind, tho I’m open minded ;), food, my heritage, parenting, history, going to the movies, feeling special, cooking (as long as it’s not for my can’t-wait-for-him-to-be-my-ex-husband), driving around, beauty, being outdoors, being called on my sh!t, cheering at my sisters softball games, freedom to be myself, love, people who accept me for who I am and realize I’m not changing, sports (even the ones I don’t know as much about), iced skinny sugar free vanilla lattes, people who make me laugh, McCall trips with my best friends e.g., talking, sun tanning (burning), drinking, back tickling, skinny dipping, swimming, pictures, laughing, etc., being made fun of :), writing, kids, playing...sooooooo many things.
Things I don’t love so much: Divorce, being hit, my kids being gone, anyone I have to explain my jokes to all the time, hangovers, slow drivers, closed-minded people, ignorance, anxiety, not getting enough sleep, waiting, losing my iPod, being a procrastinator (damn me!), being lied to, people not being forthright, having to call the police, death in general, not getting what I want (surprise, surprise), being bored, my jacked up back, antiphospholipid syndrome, not having a car, money, being told what to do, stupid umpires...too many things. :D
I am just a regular chick. I’m not a jealous person at all, I don’t hold grudges and get over things fast, I’m pretty laid back about most things...though when I’m fired up you probably wanna stand back. So there you go, a little glimpse into the amazingness that is me, enjoy.
My Rocks...
Originally posted 6/17/2010
Talking about my best friends here; observe their fabulousness. There is honestly so much I can say about them, but the words are currently escaping me. Don’t panic though, I am sure that inability to write with brevity will return, and all too soon for some.
Until then, however, I LOVE YOU GIRLS!! We are amazing and unstoppable! I love us. Kisses, chicks.
xoxo
Talking about my best friends here; observe their fabulousness. There is honestly so much I can say about them, but the words are currently escaping me. Don’t panic though, I am sure that inability to write with brevity will return, and all too soon for some.
Until then, however, I LOVE YOU GIRLS!! We are amazing and unstoppable! I love us. Kisses, chicks.
xoxo
Pretty Flowers and Shit
Originally posted 5/10/2010
It is spring again. I suppose it should mean something profound, like a new beginning and all that, but I don’t seem to care very much right now. The past several weeks have been all about my divorce: issues with child support (and the ex’s inability to correctly divide the monthly ordered support amount by 2, and without me there to correct his math he seems lost), attempting to get back a portion of our 401k proceeds (which he liquidated without my consent with the purpose of paying his attorney fees), appointments for mediation, writing affidavits...blah blah.
Seriously though, is this divorce over with yet? It’s been a great 4 months, but I’m growing tired of going to court. Don’t get me wrong though, I am fascinated with the judicial system now and I love learning new things about it, but honestly I can’t sit through any more of my own litigious crap. If we are unable to come to an agreement and have to go to court, our court date is September 3. I hope we settle before then.
Should the end of my marriage illicit more sadness than I currently feel. Perhaps my sadness is being overshadowed by the overwhelming sense of relief that takes over whenever I realize that I am no longer stuck in an unhappy marriage; settling for something less than either of us deserve. Maybe I’ve just known that it wasn’t working out for such a long time that I got to bypass that useless “guilt” and “regret” phase. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t care.
Regardless of the reason, I am now happily enjoying what little freedom is afforded to a 28 year old with 3 children, no spouse, and limited income. :) I never really had expectations for my life as an adult, I don’t suppose I gave it much thought (hence the getting married at 18 thing), so now that I am an adult I hope to learn how to look into my future, and maybe something fantastic will jump out at me.
It is spring again. I suppose it should mean something profound, like a new beginning and all that, but I don’t seem to care very much right now. The past several weeks have been all about my divorce: issues with child support (and the ex’s inability to correctly divide the monthly ordered support amount by 2, and without me there to correct his math he seems lost), attempting to get back a portion of our 401k proceeds (which he liquidated without my consent with the purpose of paying his attorney fees), appointments for mediation, writing affidavits...blah blah.
Seriously though, is this divorce over with yet? It’s been a great 4 months, but I’m growing tired of going to court. Don’t get me wrong though, I am fascinated with the judicial system now and I love learning new things about it, but honestly I can’t sit through any more of my own litigious crap. If we are unable to come to an agreement and have to go to court, our court date is September 3. I hope we settle before then.
Should the end of my marriage illicit more sadness than I currently feel. Perhaps my sadness is being overshadowed by the overwhelming sense of relief that takes over whenever I realize that I am no longer stuck in an unhappy marriage; settling for something less than either of us deserve. Maybe I’ve just known that it wasn’t working out for such a long time that I got to bypass that useless “guilt” and “regret” phase. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t care.
Regardless of the reason, I am now happily enjoying what little freedom is afforded to a 28 year old with 3 children, no spouse, and limited income. :) I never really had expectations for my life as an adult, I don’t suppose I gave it much thought (hence the getting married at 18 thing), so now that I am an adult I hope to learn how to look into my future, and maybe something fantastic will jump out at me.
Divorce Update
Originally posted 3/19/2010
Still getting divorced. I am perhaps a tad more aware of my ex’s behavior and feelings for this situation, which is essentially the same as my understanding when I began these proceedings, only more specific. He is as aloof to reality as he ever has been, and unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that, if I could change that at all, we probably wouldn’t be in our current situation.
I am almost beyond caring that he blames me entirely for the contemptuous divorce we now find ourselves in. There really is nothing to be done about it: I can’t convince him otherwise and I’m happy I don’t have to try. With all honesty, there is nothing I can say that would change his mind because he KNOWS he’s right. :) So, I suppose the next step is to sit back and enjoy the ride. I’m sure there will be many more obsessive, overreacting phone calls from el husband to my loved ones (possibly my attorney) in the future...
The solution to that problem seems easy...don’t answer the phone! Tho that inevitably leads to the threatening voicemail indicating that if he doesn’t receive a return phone call it would make him “take other action.” After such a message the irritation at his presumption inevitably makes way for the laughter and we move on and wait for his next mental lapse. The joke being that we both presumably want what is best for our children and are doing what we can to facilitate that...sigh. What a cluster-fuck!
Yet, here I sit, still happier to be getting divorced and going through these shenanigans than remaining in that marriage. I know I am making the right decision.
All I want is for my kids to be happy, healthy little people, and I am willing to negotiate, mediate, conciliate.
Message to the ex: WE ARE GETTING DIVORCED BECAUSE OUR MARRIAGE WAS NOT WORKING. LETS AT LEAST MAKE THE DIVORCE WORK SO WE CAN HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP FOR OUR KIDS. AND NO...THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING UP TO THIS POINT. MY BEST ADVICE (BECAUSE I KNOW YOU’RE DYING TO HEAR IT) IS TO STOP BEHAVING AS THOUGH YOUR PRIDE HAS BEEN INJURED. GOOD-LUCK TO THE BOTH OF US.
Still getting divorced. I am perhaps a tad more aware of my ex’s behavior and feelings for this situation, which is essentially the same as my understanding when I began these proceedings, only more specific. He is as aloof to reality as he ever has been, and unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that, if I could change that at all, we probably wouldn’t be in our current situation.
I am almost beyond caring that he blames me entirely for the contemptuous divorce we now find ourselves in. There really is nothing to be done about it: I can’t convince him otherwise and I’m happy I don’t have to try. With all honesty, there is nothing I can say that would change his mind because he KNOWS he’s right. :) So, I suppose the next step is to sit back and enjoy the ride. I’m sure there will be many more obsessive, overreacting phone calls from el husband to my loved ones (possibly my attorney) in the future...
The solution to that problem seems easy...don’t answer the phone! Tho that inevitably leads to the threatening voicemail indicating that if he doesn’t receive a return phone call it would make him “take other action.” After such a message the irritation at his presumption inevitably makes way for the laughter and we move on and wait for his next mental lapse. The joke being that we both presumably want what is best for our children and are doing what we can to facilitate that...sigh. What a cluster-fuck!
Yet, here I sit, still happier to be getting divorced and going through these shenanigans than remaining in that marriage. I know I am making the right decision.
All I want is for my kids to be happy, healthy little people, and I am willing to negotiate, mediate, conciliate.
Message to the ex: WE ARE GETTING DIVORCED BECAUSE OUR MARRIAGE WAS NOT WORKING. LETS AT LEAST MAKE THE DIVORCE WORK SO WE CAN HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP FOR OUR KIDS. AND NO...THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING UP TO THIS POINT. MY BEST ADVICE (BECAUSE I KNOW YOU’RE DYING TO HEAR IT) IS TO STOP BEHAVING AS THOUGH YOUR PRIDE HAS BEEN INJURED. GOOD-LUCK TO THE BOTH OF US.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Originally posted 2/24/2010
So far this hasn’t been my favorite experience, though it’s been interesting to say the least. I am more intrigued with the legal system, albeit slightly annoyed at the same time. I will also say that had I known that divorce would make my children’s father actually step-up and do SOMETHING I would have gone ahead with it years ago, instead of living unhappily, crying, praying, begging, bargaining, placating, ignoring, excusing...etc.
But I digress...
What’s done is done, now all there is to do is move on. I wish to get this divorce behind me and stop fretting over things I wasn’t capable of changing when it was happening, let alone now. Easier said than done, but it’s a nice thought. I’m getting better at it though. Practice makes perfect.
The ideal divorce: Amicable. Not involving crazy ass, controlling behavior. Two people who recognize their mutual fault in the failure of their marriage, without attempting to blame the other person or simply being incapable of understanding the consequences of their actions. No one goes to jail. The parties make decisions based on the best interests of their children, not of themselves. They can agree about child support, property division, etc. And it doesn’t cost them each several several thousand in attorney fees.
Is that my divorce? Hell no! Though it’s not the worst divorce either, it is the process I suppose. For some it’s better and others it’s worse. My soon-to-be ex-husband seems to think he doesn’t want this divorce, which is baffling to me considering the fact that EVERY single time we argued or even disagreed about something, he took the opportunity to request a divorce; even going as far as telling me he had ordered papers off the internet and that I could have the kids and all the property and all I had to do was sign the papers. Believe me, I recognize the irony in begging him to stay and try to work things out. Oh irony, how I adore your ever-mocking ways.
As for parenting during a divorce, it blows. I have tried my hardest to help my kiddos deal with the inevitable insanity of this situation...I simply can’t control anything other than myself and being as consistent as possible with them. I don’t know what John’s plans are, and honestly there is no precedent for this; not just the divorce, but him actually attempting to parent our children! Sure, it’s frustrating after almost a decade of begging him to take responsibility for our children outside of monetarily, and the very rare instances where he did something for them without being asked; but it isn’t about me and my irritation, it’s about my kids and their happiness and wellbeing. I am reminding myself of this. I’m doing fairly well with this one, though every once in a while I feel a jab of resentment for the years of painful begging and pleading... sigh... still working on this.
Marriage, well, it’s an interesting institution. I’m not sure if I ever want to get married again. I know the circumstances would be different if the opportunity happens to arise again in the future, I am feeling a tad jaded and maybe even a little defiant as far as relationships go, considering the course my marriage took during the last few years and especially that last several months, it was smothering and I don’t know if I am ready to believe that all marriages aren’t like that. I’m really rather fond of my freedom, even with the additional work that’s involved, including the stress of financial insecurity.
As I mourn the ending of yet another phase in my life, I will look back on it with the fondness of someone who has the ability to learn and grow from her experiences. I hope that once the dust settles from this, my ex-husband and I will be able to independently yet cohesively raise our amazing children to be the happy, successful people I know they will be, and not regardless of this divorce, but because of it!
So far this hasn’t been my favorite experience, though it’s been interesting to say the least. I am more intrigued with the legal system, albeit slightly annoyed at the same time. I will also say that had I known that divorce would make my children’s father actually step-up and do SOMETHING I would have gone ahead with it years ago, instead of living unhappily, crying, praying, begging, bargaining, placating, ignoring, excusing...etc.
But I digress...
What’s done is done, now all there is to do is move on. I wish to get this divorce behind me and stop fretting over things I wasn’t capable of changing when it was happening, let alone now. Easier said than done, but it’s a nice thought. I’m getting better at it though. Practice makes perfect.
The ideal divorce: Amicable. Not involving crazy ass, controlling behavior. Two people who recognize their mutual fault in the failure of their marriage, without attempting to blame the other person or simply being incapable of understanding the consequences of their actions. No one goes to jail. The parties make decisions based on the best interests of their children, not of themselves. They can agree about child support, property division, etc. And it doesn’t cost them each several several thousand in attorney fees.
Is that my divorce? Hell no! Though it’s not the worst divorce either, it is the process I suppose. For some it’s better and others it’s worse. My soon-to-be ex-husband seems to think he doesn’t want this divorce, which is baffling to me considering the fact that EVERY single time we argued or even disagreed about something, he took the opportunity to request a divorce; even going as far as telling me he had ordered papers off the internet and that I could have the kids and all the property and all I had to do was sign the papers. Believe me, I recognize the irony in begging him to stay and try to work things out. Oh irony, how I adore your ever-mocking ways.
As for parenting during a divorce, it blows. I have tried my hardest to help my kiddos deal with the inevitable insanity of this situation...I simply can’t control anything other than myself and being as consistent as possible with them. I don’t know what John’s plans are, and honestly there is no precedent for this; not just the divorce, but him actually attempting to parent our children! Sure, it’s frustrating after almost a decade of begging him to take responsibility for our children outside of monetarily, and the very rare instances where he did something for them without being asked; but it isn’t about me and my irritation, it’s about my kids and their happiness and wellbeing. I am reminding myself of this. I’m doing fairly well with this one, though every once in a while I feel a jab of resentment for the years of painful begging and pleading... sigh... still working on this.
Marriage, well, it’s an interesting institution. I’m not sure if I ever want to get married again. I know the circumstances would be different if the opportunity happens to arise again in the future, I am feeling a tad jaded and maybe even a little defiant as far as relationships go, considering the course my marriage took during the last few years and especially that last several months, it was smothering and I don’t know if I am ready to believe that all marriages aren’t like that. I’m really rather fond of my freedom, even with the additional work that’s involved, including the stress of financial insecurity.
As I mourn the ending of yet another phase in my life, I will look back on it with the fondness of someone who has the ability to learn and grow from her experiences. I hope that once the dust settles from this, my ex-husband and I will be able to independently yet cohesively raise our amazing children to be the happy, successful people I know they will be, and not regardless of this divorce, but because of it!
Life is Crazy
Originally posted 1/23/2010
So, no, this photo has nothing to do with this post, but I don’t have anything that would be appropriate.
I am not always a positive ray of sunshine and everything is fine and look on the bright side kinda gal, but I am not all about letting things defeat me either. There is nothing to be learned from pretending that things are all just fine and dandy, believe me...I’ve tried it...doesn’t work. Life is hard! Really hard! And I suppose all I can do is try to keep up with it, and be as good as I can, when I can. Not the easiest solution, and it would be great to believe that there was some divine plan for me and a reason why things have happened the way they have and continue to happen, but I don’t know how to believe that.
Seems all too easy to just say, “things happen this way for a reason and someday I’ll know why I have had to bury so many of the people I love, including my own child. And there is no way for us to understand it, we must have faith.” I get why people want to believe that, but I don’t. Shit happens. You either deal with it, or you don’t. Then something else comes along, good or bad. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. That’s all there is to it.
I can say definitively that we all grow and learn from each and every one of our experiences, and how we use the information we gain determines the kind of people we are. That just makes sense to me. I can see it and I can put it into practice, it isn’t as easy and heartwarming as saying “God wants me to go through this so I can fulfill a grander purpose in his plan,” but I don’t feel as though I am lying to myself to feel better either. I prefer it that way.
Heaven would be outstanding. I could see my children, my sister(s), my grandfathers, friends, and other family who went before me, and I hope it exists for those I love, even if I am not able to make it there...but I doubt it.
Well, it doesn’t change that my life is a complete and utter mess right now. Personally, I prefer not having to say, “well God has a plan for my life. There is a reason I was controlled, and hit, and stalked, and getting a divorce, and have a husband in jail for violating a simple protection order, and have no money. God is good, and all is well.” Um no, not for me.
Now I am going to go figure out how I am going to pay bills, and if my soon to be ex-husband will still have a job after his weekend in jail, and snuggle my children, and get dinner ready and clean, and do laundry, and search for jobs, and be everything I can be for the time being.
“Maybe there is a god above, but all I ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya...” -Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah.
So, no, this photo has nothing to do with this post, but I don’t have anything that would be appropriate.
I am not always a positive ray of sunshine and everything is fine and look on the bright side kinda gal, but I am not all about letting things defeat me either. There is nothing to be learned from pretending that things are all just fine and dandy, believe me...I’ve tried it...doesn’t work. Life is hard! Really hard! And I suppose all I can do is try to keep up with it, and be as good as I can, when I can. Not the easiest solution, and it would be great to believe that there was some divine plan for me and a reason why things have happened the way they have and continue to happen, but I don’t know how to believe that.
Seems all too easy to just say, “things happen this way for a reason and someday I’ll know why I have had to bury so many of the people I love, including my own child. And there is no way for us to understand it, we must have faith.” I get why people want to believe that, but I don’t. Shit happens. You either deal with it, or you don’t. Then something else comes along, good or bad. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. That’s all there is to it.
I can say definitively that we all grow and learn from each and every one of our experiences, and how we use the information we gain determines the kind of people we are. That just makes sense to me. I can see it and I can put it into practice, it isn’t as easy and heartwarming as saying “God wants me to go through this so I can fulfill a grander purpose in his plan,” but I don’t feel as though I am lying to myself to feel better either. I prefer it that way.
Heaven would be outstanding. I could see my children, my sister(s), my grandfathers, friends, and other family who went before me, and I hope it exists for those I love, even if I am not able to make it there...but I doubt it.
Well, it doesn’t change that my life is a complete and utter mess right now. Personally, I prefer not having to say, “well God has a plan for my life. There is a reason I was controlled, and hit, and stalked, and getting a divorce, and have a husband in jail for violating a simple protection order, and have no money. God is good, and all is well.” Um no, not for me.
Now I am going to go figure out how I am going to pay bills, and if my soon to be ex-husband will still have a job after his weekend in jail, and snuggle my children, and get dinner ready and clean, and do laundry, and search for jobs, and be everything I can be for the time being.
“Maybe there is a god above, but all I ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya...” -Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah.
Thank God For Sisters
Originally posted 1/10/2010
I love my little sister. She is radtastic. She has awesome shoes. FENDI. She lives with me. She helps me shop. She loves my kids. She makes me laugh. Everything she does is fantastic. Or a LOT of what she does is fantastic. :) I love her very much. And I don’t know what I would do without her in my life. More to come...
Love you little sister! xoxo
I love my little sister. She is radtastic. She has awesome shoes. FENDI. She lives with me. She helps me shop. She loves my kids. She makes me laugh. Everything she does is fantastic. Or a LOT of what she does is fantastic. :) I love her very much. And I don’t know what I would do without her in my life. More to come...
Love you little sister! xoxo
Tired Today
Originally posted 12/30/2009
Today I had to tell my three small children that their mommy and daddy aren’t going to be living together anymore. It was not easy for them, and I wish it wasn’t necessary, but I know I am making the best possible decision for our family.
Staying together for the kids isn’t an option, and I don’t think it should be for anyone. TRYING to make things work for the kids is important! I think people should do that, but when you get to the point where you absolutely know it is the wrong thing to do...you need to trust your instincts. And that is what I am doing.
The choice to NOT stay married did not come lightly to me. It didn’t come up suddenly either; I have known for a while that this was the likely road for my future, sometimes things are broken beyond repair. I TRIED to work on things, believe me I tried. I tried even while I was being told that I didn’t care and wasn’t trying. I tried everything I could. Talking. Writing. Yelling. Screaming. Crying. Laughing. Placating. Submitting. None of it worked, and none of it will, not in this situation.
I know that what this marriage takes to make it work would involve me denying who I am, and that is not something I am willing to do any longer. My children deserve a mother and father who are both confident, independent, reliable, strong people; they will have that for my part no matter what, and hopefully their father will feel the same way and be able to execute a plan of action that brings those qualities about for himself.
I have the most amazing children who deserve amazing things in their little lives, and I insist upon bringing those things to them! Gavin, Owen, and Annalise are my lights and direction. I adore them, and as important as I am...they are far more so. Now I will go to sleep so I can wake up with them in the morning and snuggle. :)
Today I had to tell my three small children that their mommy and daddy aren’t going to be living together anymore. It was not easy for them, and I wish it wasn’t necessary, but I know I am making the best possible decision for our family.
Staying together for the kids isn’t an option, and I don’t think it should be for anyone. TRYING to make things work for the kids is important! I think people should do that, but when you get to the point where you absolutely know it is the wrong thing to do...you need to trust your instincts. And that is what I am doing.
The choice to NOT stay married did not come lightly to me. It didn’t come up suddenly either; I have known for a while that this was the likely road for my future, sometimes things are broken beyond repair. I TRIED to work on things, believe me I tried. I tried even while I was being told that I didn’t care and wasn’t trying. I tried everything I could. Talking. Writing. Yelling. Screaming. Crying. Laughing. Placating. Submitting. None of it worked, and none of it will, not in this situation.
I know that what this marriage takes to make it work would involve me denying who I am, and that is not something I am willing to do any longer. My children deserve a mother and father who are both confident, independent, reliable, strong people; they will have that for my part no matter what, and hopefully their father will feel the same way and be able to execute a plan of action that brings those qualities about for himself.
I have the most amazing children who deserve amazing things in their little lives, and I insist upon bringing those things to them! Gavin, Owen, and Annalise are my lights and direction. I adore them, and as important as I am...they are far more so. Now I will go to sleep so I can wake up with them in the morning and snuggle. :)
Christmas Cookies
Originally posted 12/23/2009
Last night I got the great pleasure of making cookies with my 3 little ones! Though it took some time to work the kinks out with the three of them, we made it though and now have some creative bits of goodness sitting on our kitchen counter, courtesy of each of my kids. :)
When it came to the actual decorating, they were each able to pick out their frosting of choice and sprinkles...I love that they each picked something different. It made for 3 sets of very unique cookies, each representing the child who made them pretty accurately.
While this hasn’t been the happiest of holiday seasons for our family, for my part, I am happy to do what I can for my kids to make it the best it can be given the current situation. In my awesomeness I was able to scrape together enough money for some Christmas presents for the kids! Yea! I can’t afford to fix the transmission in my van, but kids have some damn presents, so suck it!
Regardless of my present disdain for the holiday, Christmas will be here soon soon soon, and dammit, I will be there to cheer it on!
Last night I got the great pleasure of making cookies with my 3 little ones! Though it took some time to work the kinks out with the three of them, we made it though and now have some creative bits of goodness sitting on our kitchen counter, courtesy of each of my kids. :)
When it came to the actual decorating, they were each able to pick out their frosting of choice and sprinkles...I love that they each picked something different. It made for 3 sets of very unique cookies, each representing the child who made them pretty accurately.
While this hasn’t been the happiest of holiday seasons for our family, for my part, I am happy to do what I can for my kids to make it the best it can be given the current situation. In my awesomeness I was able to scrape together enough money for some Christmas presents for the kids! Yea! I can’t afford to fix the transmission in my van, but kids have some damn presents, so suck it!
Regardless of my present disdain for the holiday, Christmas will be here soon soon soon, and dammit, I will be there to cheer it on!
My Bff's
Originally posted 12/10/2009
I don’t mean to brag, but I have the best friends in the world. Scratch that, I totally intend to brag! Some of my favorite things:
Putting up with me when I’m emotional
Always being there!! Always!! Always!! I cant stress this one enough. xoxo
Laughing
Making fun of me
Texting
Sleepovers
Inside jokes
Husband talk
Venting
Weight gain
Weight loss
Emails
Playing games
Crafting
McCall (regardless)
Handmade cards
Flowers
Understanding
Remembering my son when others forget
Knowing that if I don’t call it isn’t because I don’t care
Child rearing advise
Sympathy Cards
Babysitting
Talking music (some more qualified than others, lol)
Crying
Molly Mormon’s
Blowdrying my hair when I just couldn’t do it myself...(I love you April)
Heartbreak
Strap-Perfect
Diet Dr. Pepper
Reading magazines
Mikes
Text based videos
Sunscreen
Giant archaic computer phones with stupid green indicator lights
Vodka and cranberry juice
Back tickling sessions
Other Mothers visits
Passing down children’s clothing and toys
Coffee
CNP
Instant messaging “3-ways”
Unfinished Margarita’s :)
( . )( . )
Loneliness
Hospital visits
Long abandoned “Sunday Nights”
Drinking too much
And years of new memories to be made...
I love you girls. Thank you for everything you do, and how amazing you are. I’m blessed to have found you all in one little place. :) I <3 U!
P.S. My friends are not all pictured here, but only because I don’t have one with us all in it.
I don’t mean to brag, but I have the best friends in the world. Scratch that, I totally intend to brag! Some of my favorite things:
Putting up with me when I’m emotional
Always being there!! Always!! Always!! I cant stress this one enough. xoxo
Laughing
Making fun of me
Texting
Sleepovers
Inside jokes
Husband talk
Venting
Weight gain
Weight loss
Emails
Playing games
Crafting
McCall (regardless)
Handmade cards
Flowers
Understanding
Remembering my son when others forget
Knowing that if I don’t call it isn’t because I don’t care
Child rearing advise
Sympathy Cards
Babysitting
Talking music (some more qualified than others, lol)
Crying
Molly Mormon’s
Blowdrying my hair when I just couldn’t do it myself...(I love you April)
Heartbreak
Strap-Perfect
Diet Dr. Pepper
Reading magazines
Mikes
Text based videos
Sunscreen
Giant archaic computer phones with stupid green indicator lights
Vodka and cranberry juice
Back tickling sessions
Other Mothers visits
Passing down children’s clothing and toys
Coffee
CNP
Instant messaging “3-ways”
Unfinished Margarita’s :)
( . )( . )
Loneliness
Hospital visits
Long abandoned “Sunday Nights”
Drinking too much
And years of new memories to be made...
I love you girls. Thank you for everything you do, and how amazing you are. I’m blessed to have found you all in one little place. :) I <3 U!
P.S. My friends are not all pictured here, but only because I don’t have one with us all in it.
November 17, 2009
Originally posted 11/17/2009
AMENDED...THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!
Happy 36th Anniversary Mom and Dad!! I LOVE YOU!!
What a weird day today turned out to be. It started off as a normal day, but then I had to have my car towed and it was insanity and candy after that. Perhaps people got the Friday the 13th memo late and so they all started acting bat-shit-crazy to make up for it?
Fa reals...peeps be trippin’. WTF?! I wonder if tomorrow will bring with it the same quantity of weirdness today brought. Probably. Not everyone can be as awesomely fecked up the way I am, they get to be stupid in their own ways and I choose to love them for it regardless. You’re WELCOME!!
On a lighter note I made an appointment to get my hair done for my birthday and I am stoked about it. I love having my hair done! I can’t wait until Saturday.
AMENDED...THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!
Happy 36th Anniversary Mom and Dad!! I LOVE YOU!!
What a weird day today turned out to be. It started off as a normal day, but then I had to have my car towed and it was insanity and candy after that. Perhaps people got the Friday the 13th memo late and so they all started acting bat-shit-crazy to make up for it?
Fa reals...peeps be trippin’. WTF?! I wonder if tomorrow will bring with it the same quantity of weirdness today brought. Probably. Not everyone can be as awesomely fecked up the way I am, they get to be stupid in their own ways and I choose to love them for it regardless. You’re WELCOME!!
On a lighter note I made an appointment to get my hair done for my birthday and I am stoked about it. I love having my hair done! I can’t wait until Saturday.
Disappointment
Originally posted 11/3/2009
Have you ever been so disappointed in someone that you contemplated creating a new word to describe the feeling? I am talking about the kind of disappointment that is truly gut-wrenching, where all you want to do is fix what you can, though you realize that there is simply nothing you can do, so you try to deal with it as best you can before realizing you can’t do that any more either...then you write about it?
Oh, well, me either. I was just wondering.
So I am lying, whatever. It’s complicated. It’s complicated in that I like to tell people what to do and I sometimes shouldn’t. Or just I shouldn’t. Again...whatever. Semantics. And I have a difficult time watching people make stupid mistakes; however, I don’t seem to care if I am the one making the stupid mistakes, I am just so much better at telling other people what to do. Do as I say, not as I do? Right? :)
What then shall I take with me from this experience? Um...lets see...I am not sure if I am at this point yet, so I may be pushing it a tad. How about, understanding that people will do what they want to do regardless of other peoples feelings? Or, not to make mountains out of mole hills? Hmm...none of them are really hitting it, maybe after a few more days introspection.
In the words of Jimmy Durante (whom I used to listen to at my Grandparents house with Carrie when we were house sitting)...
“Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it’s breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by. You’ll find that life is still worth while, if you just smile”
Have you ever been so disappointed in someone that you contemplated creating a new word to describe the feeling? I am talking about the kind of disappointment that is truly gut-wrenching, where all you want to do is fix what you can, though you realize that there is simply nothing you can do, so you try to deal with it as best you can before realizing you can’t do that any more either...then you write about it?
Oh, well, me either. I was just wondering.
So I am lying, whatever. It’s complicated. It’s complicated in that I like to tell people what to do and I sometimes shouldn’t. Or just I shouldn’t. Again...whatever. Semantics. And I have a difficult time watching people make stupid mistakes; however, I don’t seem to care if I am the one making the stupid mistakes, I am just so much better at telling other people what to do. Do as I say, not as I do? Right? :)
What then shall I take with me from this experience? Um...lets see...I am not sure if I am at this point yet, so I may be pushing it a tad. How about, understanding that people will do what they want to do regardless of other peoples feelings? Or, not to make mountains out of mole hills? Hmm...none of them are really hitting it, maybe after a few more days introspection.
In the words of Jimmy Durante (whom I used to listen to at my Grandparents house with Carrie when we were house sitting)...
“Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it’s breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by. You’ll find that life is still worth while, if you just smile”
Halloween and Things
Originally posted 11/1/2009
It was halloween yesterday, the kids had fun. We took them out to trick-or-treating and relaxed. We usually spend Halloween at my parents house and do our door to door knocking in their neighborhood. This year was no exception.
Annalise and Miles helped Papa hand out candy to the kids and did an amazing job at it. Clara fell down a lot, but was pretty cute about it. Gavin didn’t want to keep the hood of his costume on his head and I made him. Owen was cute in his dinosaur costume, but forgot to say “trick-or-treat” about 60% of the time. Tom, Lacey, Johnny, my mom, and I took all five kids out around the block then headed home for rest. My mom took my boys back out a little while later and stayed out to fill their enormous candy bags. It was fun.
Don’t really feel like writing much lately, maybe that will change soon, but in the mean time I will write these short little things with not a lot in them. Enjoy.
It was halloween yesterday, the kids had fun. We took them out to trick-or-treating and relaxed. We usually spend Halloween at my parents house and do our door to door knocking in their neighborhood. This year was no exception.
Annalise and Miles helped Papa hand out candy to the kids and did an amazing job at it. Clara fell down a lot, but was pretty cute about it. Gavin didn’t want to keep the hood of his costume on his head and I made him. Owen was cute in his dinosaur costume, but forgot to say “trick-or-treat” about 60% of the time. Tom, Lacey, Johnny, my mom, and I took all five kids out around the block then headed home for rest. My mom took my boys back out a little while later and stayed out to fill their enormous candy bags. It was fun.
Don’t really feel like writing much lately, maybe that will change soon, but in the mean time I will write these short little things with not a lot in them. Enjoy.
It's Halloween
Originally posted 10/31/2009
That holiday with the costumes and candy is upon us again. Seems like just a year ago I was getting ready for last Halloween. I’m funny. So I will sit for a little while longer, then I will get the kids costumes ready and we will head over to my parents house for trick-or-treating awesomeness. The kids are stoked, and I am...well, indifferent, but excited for them to have fun.
Gavin had his first basketball game this morning, which was fraggin’ adorable. 10 little first graders running back and forth around the court. I was truly impressed by a couple athletic little guys, they could shoot better than I can; which I realize isn’t saying much, but they were impressive nonetheless. :) Gavin had a blast and I was one proud-mama watching him during his first competitive sports experience. Pictures to follow. Thank you for showing up peeps...I love you for that.
Time to get stuff ready. See you on the flip side.
That holiday with the costumes and candy is upon us again. Seems like just a year ago I was getting ready for last Halloween. I’m funny. So I will sit for a little while longer, then I will get the kids costumes ready and we will head over to my parents house for trick-or-treating awesomeness. The kids are stoked, and I am...well, indifferent, but excited for them to have fun.
Gavin had his first basketball game this morning, which was fraggin’ adorable. 10 little first graders running back and forth around the court. I was truly impressed by a couple athletic little guys, they could shoot better than I can; which I realize isn’t saying much, but they were impressive nonetheless. :) Gavin had a blast and I was one proud-mama watching him during his first competitive sports experience. Pictures to follow. Thank you for showing up peeps...I love you for that.
Time to get stuff ready. See you on the flip side.
A Thank You To The Beatles
Originally posted 10/30/2009
I’m looking through you, where did you go? I thought I knew you, what did I know? You don’t look different but you have changed. I’m looking through you, you’re not the same. Your lips are moving, I cannot hear. Your voice is soothing but the words aren’t clear. You don’t sound different I’ve learned the game. I’m looking through you, you’re not the same...
Do what you want to do. And go where you’re going to. Think for yourself cause I wont be there with you. Although your minds opaque, try thinking more if just for your own sake. The future still looks good and you’ve got time to rectify all the things that you should...
There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed. Some forever not for better, some have gone and some remain. All these places had their moments with lovers and friends I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living. in my life I’ve loved them all...though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know I’ll often stop and think about them...
I get by with a little help from my friends. I get high with a little help from my friends. Gonna try with a little help from my friends...
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay, oh I believe in yesterday...
I’m looking through you, where did you go? I thought I knew you, what did I know? You don’t look different but you have changed. I’m looking through you, you’re not the same. Your lips are moving, I cannot hear. Your voice is soothing but the words aren’t clear. You don’t sound different I’ve learned the game. I’m looking through you, you’re not the same...
Do what you want to do. And go where you’re going to. Think for yourself cause I wont be there with you. Although your minds opaque, try thinking more if just for your own sake. The future still looks good and you’ve got time to rectify all the things that you should...
There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed. Some forever not for better, some have gone and some remain. All these places had their moments with lovers and friends I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living. in my life I’ve loved them all...though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know I’ll often stop and think about them...
I get by with a little help from my friends. I get high with a little help from my friends. Gonna try with a little help from my friends...
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay, oh I believe in yesterday...
Where Has The Time Gone
Originally posted 10/27/2009
Seems that time has simply vanished and I am racing to catch up with the rest of my life. For a while I was beginning to wonder when things would start looking up again...for a long while I wondered this. Don’t know that I am actually there yet, but things could be worse, so I will embrace what lies ahead and hope it just gets better, or that if it doesn’t, that I am strong enough to cope.
Things just aren’t right, and wont be again. There is a piece missing, forever. I will never see her again, and my last memories of her will always be the moments of her death. In case you were wondering, IT SUCKS! I didn’t lose my past; I lost my future. I lost years of bonding and fighting and laughing and reminiscing. I lost a best friend. You just don’t get over that. You can’t. Ever. Ever. It’s a big deal.
Seems that time has simply vanished and I am racing to catch up with the rest of my life. For a while I was beginning to wonder when things would start looking up again...for a long while I wondered this. Don’t know that I am actually there yet, but things could be worse, so I will embrace what lies ahead and hope it just gets better, or that if it doesn’t, that I am strong enough to cope.
Things just aren’t right, and wont be again. There is a piece missing, forever. I will never see her again, and my last memories of her will always be the moments of her death. In case you were wondering, IT SUCKS! I didn’t lose my past; I lost my future. I lost years of bonding and fighting and laughing and reminiscing. I lost a best friend. You just don’t get over that. You can’t. Ever. Ever. It’s a big deal.
Our Outing
Originally posted 10/26/2009
What? Don’t all moms take their kids to City Hall to play? I didn’t really either, we just went to pay the water bill and ended up taking a while to look at the numerous fountains and flowers that are still blooming and beautiful. Annalise just went from one water feature to the next examining and touching, she had so much fun, even after I made her pick up the trash she dropped on the ground from her sucker.
I love hanging out with my kids, they are just so cool and FUNNY. Some of my favorite times involve just sitting back and listening to them carry on their own little conversations with each other, my little ones. I can’t believe they are 7, 5, and 3 already. Where has the time gone?
Gavin has his first basketball game on Saturday. Owen is doing fabulous in Kindergarten. Annalise may be staring preschool soon. It’s just going so quickly. Meanwhile I am 27 with 28 approaching alarmingly fast; only 4 weeks!! Yikes.
What? Don’t all moms take their kids to City Hall to play? I didn’t really either, we just went to pay the water bill and ended up taking a while to look at the numerous fountains and flowers that are still blooming and beautiful. Annalise just went from one water feature to the next examining and touching, she had so much fun, even after I made her pick up the trash she dropped on the ground from her sucker.
I love hanging out with my kids, they are just so cool and FUNNY. Some of my favorite times involve just sitting back and listening to them carry on their own little conversations with each other, my little ones. I can’t believe they are 7, 5, and 3 already. Where has the time gone?
Gavin has his first basketball game on Saturday. Owen is doing fabulous in Kindergarten. Annalise may be staring preschool soon. It’s just going so quickly. Meanwhile I am 27 with 28 approaching alarmingly fast; only 4 weeks!! Yikes.
Sick and Tired, No Really
Originally posted 10/15/2009
Physically sick and tired. Emotionally sick and tired. Mentally sick and tired. I need a break. Sometimes I just wish life could be easier, I long for the days when the things that most frequently occupied my time had to do with what I wanted to do on Saturday. Well, those days are gone and I am an adult now. Ugh. I really am an adult though, I came to this startling revelation while I was talking on the phone with my little sister this afternoon, and it is truly depressing.
I don’t want to be a kid, but sometimes I doubt my effectiveness as an adult. Trial and error I suppose. Onward and upward? I suppose I must travel in some direction, but which one is the question. Good-luck self, you’re going to need it.
Physically sick and tired. Emotionally sick and tired. Mentally sick and tired. I need a break. Sometimes I just wish life could be easier, I long for the days when the things that most frequently occupied my time had to do with what I wanted to do on Saturday. Well, those days are gone and I am an adult now. Ugh. I really am an adult though, I came to this startling revelation while I was talking on the phone with my little sister this afternoon, and it is truly depressing.
I don’t want to be a kid, but sometimes I doubt my effectiveness as an adult. Trial and error I suppose. Onward and upward? I suppose I must travel in some direction, but which one is the question. Good-luck self, you’re going to need it.
Nanna and Papa's Backyard
Originally posted 10/6/2009
It’s like a little park in my folks backyard and the kids just love to play out there. Thursday I when I took over the playpens for the twins I thoughtfully took all three of my own children with me to play. And play they did.
A big chunk of time was taken up using tools to bang on the plants and trees. Fun! Until Papa reminded everyone that plants and trees would rather NOT be banged on. :)
Like most 2 year olds, Miles and Clara enjoy the outdoors as well, and spent every second of their time running around after their big cousins.
It’s like a little park in my folks backyard and the kids just love to play out there. Thursday I when I took over the playpens for the twins I thoughtfully took all three of my own children with me to play. And play they did.
A big chunk of time was taken up using tools to bang on the plants and trees. Fun! Until Papa reminded everyone that plants and trees would rather NOT be banged on. :)
Like most 2 year olds, Miles and Clara enjoy the outdoors as well, and spent every second of their time running around after their big cousins.
My Pretty Girl
Originally posted 9/29/2009
What can I say about this little one? She is adorable and I want to spoil her rotten. 3 years old already and she makes me laugh every single day!! She adores both of her big brothers, and wants to play with them every second.
She loves Disney Princesses and everything that has to do with them, especially Cinderella! She has no problem telling anyone who asks who her favorite princess is, “Rella!” It’s cute. Cinderella was my favorite as a little girl too! Cinderella’s a fighter. She had to endure a lot after losing her mother AND father young, not to mention that bitch step-mother of hers! But I digress...
My daughter is simply an amazing little girl. As with all of my children, she makes each day special. So happy I have her sweet smile to wake up to every morning.
What can I say about this little one? She is adorable and I want to spoil her rotten. 3 years old already and she makes me laugh every single day!! She adores both of her big brothers, and wants to play with them every second.
She loves Disney Princesses and everything that has to do with them, especially Cinderella! She has no problem telling anyone who asks who her favorite princess is, “Rella!” It’s cute. Cinderella was my favorite as a little girl too! Cinderella’s a fighter. She had to endure a lot after losing her mother AND father young, not to mention that bitch step-mother of hers! But I digress...
My daughter is simply an amazing little girl. As with all of my children, she makes each day special. So happy I have her sweet smile to wake up to every morning.
Carrie's 31st/Clara's Ears!
Originally posted 9/26/2009
Well. We made it through a second September 25th without my sister. It sucks. However, that being said, Katherine and I took Miles, Clara and Annalise to the mall for some ear piercing fun! We had to wait until the stores that did the piercing had more than one person there, but we got to eat at the Cheesecake Factory so that was fine. :) Yummy banana cream cheesecake!
Mom and Owen met us at the restaurant, they took Miles and Annalise so Katherine and I could get Clara’s ears done. She did amazingly well, only cried for a second, then she was fine. She looks even more beautiful now (if that is possible). Thank you to Tom for letting us poke holes in your daughter. ;)
Pictures to follow. Wait with baited breath.
Well. We made it through a second September 25th without my sister. It sucks. However, that being said, Katherine and I took Miles, Clara and Annalise to the mall for some ear piercing fun! We had to wait until the stores that did the piercing had more than one person there, but we got to eat at the Cheesecake Factory so that was fine. :) Yummy banana cream cheesecake!
Mom and Owen met us at the restaurant, they took Miles and Annalise so Katherine and I could get Clara’s ears done. She did amazingly well, only cried for a second, then she was fine. She looks even more beautiful now (if that is possible). Thank you to Tom for letting us poke holes in your daughter. ;)
Pictures to follow. Wait with baited breath.
Looking Back
Originally posted 9/20/2009
During the (almost) 10 years Johnny and I have been married our focus has been on our lives and our family. These ten years have been filled with a huge number poor decisions as well as some pretty good ones. We’ve tried to make the best of what has come and I feel we’ve done a banner job. Mad props to myself and my husband. ;)
Now as I approach the second decade of our marriage and the next decade of my life, I feel anxious anticipation for what lies ahead. I am tempted to say, what lies ahead can’t be as bad as what I leave in my wake, but I know how untrue that statement is and I am not going to test it.
Looking back I see so many challenges and I wonder how I have been able to make it to this point. I still can’t figure it out, and yet here I am. 8 years after giving birth to my stillborn little boy, 6 years after my sister-in-law lost her 4 year battle with leukemia, 4 years after both of my grandfathers passed away, 2 years after my sister Carrie died suddenly and unexpectedly in front of my very eyes...that’s the SUPER-BIG stuff, there are plenty of other events that make this list.
There have been plenty of times where I felt I simply could not continue, but those times were thankfully short-lived and somehow I made it through.
During the (almost) 10 years Johnny and I have been married our focus has been on our lives and our family. These ten years have been filled with a huge number poor decisions as well as some pretty good ones. We’ve tried to make the best of what has come and I feel we’ve done a banner job. Mad props to myself and my husband. ;)
Now as I approach the second decade of our marriage and the next decade of my life, I feel anxious anticipation for what lies ahead. I am tempted to say, what lies ahead can’t be as bad as what I leave in my wake, but I know how untrue that statement is and I am not going to test it.
Looking back I see so many challenges and I wonder how I have been able to make it to this point. I still can’t figure it out, and yet here I am. 8 years after giving birth to my stillborn little boy, 6 years after my sister-in-law lost her 4 year battle with leukemia, 4 years after both of my grandfathers passed away, 2 years after my sister Carrie died suddenly and unexpectedly in front of my very eyes...that’s the SUPER-BIG stuff, there are plenty of other events that make this list.
There have been plenty of times where I felt I simply could not continue, but those times were thankfully short-lived and somehow I made it through.
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