Random Quick Thoughts On Relationships

Why do people rush into relationships? I've been trying to figure this one out for a while, at least since my separation (now over a year ago) and probably prior to that as well, to some degree. I have not had, nor have I had the desire to have, a significant other. I've watched as those around me in similar situations have charged forward from one relationship to the next with reckless abandon; a few of them professing to be "in love" multiple times in just the past year. Pregnancy not being unheard of either.

I suppose it is easy enough to understand that people want to feel loved and desired, who doesn't want that, really? But it would be so much better to know that it's real and NOT just infatuation disguised. Unfortunately I've noticed that most people like to jump the gun and don't worry about the whole "getting to know someone" phase.

Many people are so willing to put themselves on the back burner to have only the idea of a true connection with someone; I find I am not one of these people. I'm not seeking someone to complete me or to tell me how fabulous I am, because honestly if I didn't feel it about myself it wouldn't matter how often or in how many ways someone else told me, I wouldn't be able to believe it.

Is the fact that I want something different than what so many others are willing to settle for make me naive?

Ideally:We wont be codependent
We will have some mutual interests
We will have some varying interests
We will push each other to be better and do better just by being ourselves
We will have our own and get along well with each others friends
We will laugh a lot
We like each other
We wont smother each other and will enjoy being together and being apart

Is that too much to ask for? ;) Apparently so.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be 3 years and I have not "gotten over" losing my sister. I have adapted to this different life, though I still feel her absence on a daily basis; not hearing her voice, not being able to laugh and cry with her, not having her to call me on my shit yet knowing that she was there for me regardless, not feeling her unconditional love for my children, not having her to argue with, not having her to reminisce with about our shared childhood.

The evening of December 7, 2007 I hugged my sister for the last time. My last memory of her was after she handed Clara to me and I was holding Annalise as well, I turned to Carrie and said, "Look, I've got both our girls!" We enjoyed the moment together. My next memories of her are graphic, sad, and involve watching her die before my eyes while we made our inevitably futile attempt to save her. I called 911, I assisted my brother-in-law in performing CPR, I watched as paramedics worked on her, I followed the ambulance to the hospital with my dad, I held her hand as they pronounced her dead, I removed her jewelery and wear her ring to this day, I kissed her head when I said goodbye and smelled the shampoo in her hair; I think of that night still whenever I catch that scent.

To illustrate my family relationship; after we got back to my parents house, I grabbed my baby sister for a hug (perhaps just a tad too tight) and while trying to free herself she said, "Are you trying to be an only child, or what?" :-D I love my family. We all miss Carrie greatly. When we get together for holidays and other events, it feels incomplete. We laugh, we cry, we fight, we move on without her. Reluctantly...