What I learned this year

My children are my lights in a dark room...

I will not open up so easily in the future...

People will disappoint you if you let your guard down...

I am stronger than I thought...

I truly love my husband even when I don't really like him... :)

I CAN care for 5 children under 6...

People tell you what they think you want to hear...

Carrie had an influence in every single part of my life...

Family is numero uno...

There are people out there who will truly amaze you with their giving and kindness...

I can't seem to NOT tell people how I feel...

I am a responsible person, even if I act irresponsibly on occasion...

I am going to be a nurse...

Someone can stay in my house for almost 5 months and we can survive it...

I am a good mother...

Not all kindergarten teachers are created equally...

I DON'T want a dog...

My family is strong and will endure...

I can articulate my feelings fairly easily...

I am horrible at maintaining laundry and doubt I will ever improve...

Some people will just never get it...

Making espresso drinks can be cool...

I love working with my family...

I don't particularly like house guests...

I need to set boundaries...

It's far better to tell people how you feel than be upset when they can't "read" you...

Religion...

I can do anything...

Breathe...

This is for baby Hudson...

Hello little baby Hudson! I am ready to squish and kiss you little boy...so come out and I will!! :) Can't wait to meet you and see your sweet face!

Love you and your mommy!

--"Auntie" Stacey

P.S. Be nice and sweet to your mom. :)

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!

Happy 35th Anniversary!! Coming up on my 9th anniversary in a week I look at 35 in awe. :) I love you both and hope you have a fabulous day!!!

Love,
Stacey

Happy Belated B'day Twins!!!

I cannot believe Miles and Clara are already a year old. Ugh. This past year has truly sped by...I still don't know if that is a good thing or not. These beautiful babies grow each time I see them and with every day that passes they are that much further from their mother. Kills me.

I wonder often what Carrie would be doing with the little handfuls. :) Wishing I could have gotten a call from her telling me that Miles had taken his first steps. Or being able to ring her and ask how their one year appointments went and how they tolerated their shots...instead of taking them myself and relaying the information to everyone else. But I digress...

They are both walking and it is adorable. They fight over toys and while I don't think I would find it as awesome if I had to deal with it on a daily basis...it really is freaking CUTE!!!

I just love the little bugs more than life, and like my own children I would do anything for them!



So Miles and Clara, I love you both with all of my heart. I will continue to love you both like my own and to give you Twizzlers, pudding, and other yummies when your daddy isn't around. :) I will also be sure to tell you all the stories I can remember about your mom, who loved you dearly. You are totally fab and I love kissing your little cheeks. :) XOXO and keep on ROCKIN' Babies!!! Love you a ton, Auntie Stacey

I Voted!!

I hope you did too!! You can't complain about anything if you don't vote...so there!! :)

Halloween 08!!

Another Halloween is over and gone...Gavin's 7th, Owen's 5th, Annalise's 3rd, Miles and Clara's 1st!

We had a nice day, relaxed at home for the better part of the day, then off to my folks house for chili dawgs and fun!

So here are some pictures possibly with captions for your reading and viewing pleasure:

Introducing Miles and Clara as Luke and Leia...




Also starring Gavin, Owen and Annalise as Spiderman, Awesome Spider, and Ballerina respectively...


They were so good for this picture! They actually sat and faced front! At least for a moment...

Notice the look of mischief on my little daughters face as she knowingly moved out of frame, ugh my child. :)


But while Annalise was off being difficult the boys were dolls and scooted together for a cute picture. Annalise came back a moment after I took this, only to boss her big brother into moving over to get her place between them back. :)

The three little ones enjoyed playing in the candy bowl for quite a while. :)

I love this picture...the kiddos with Auntie Katherine and Auntie Natalie. :) This was the best one out of the bunch, you would not believe how difficult it is to get these five kids to pose for a picture together.

And sorry Katherine, but the picture of you with Miles, Clara, and Ampa...well...Ampa had her finger in her nose. :)

So that was our night.

McCain 08! I mean Halloween 08!! ;)

Stacey out!

I have a blog???

Just for you little sister...



My three kiddos are pretty flippin' cute!! I know. :)

Love you Katherine!!

blogging from my phone

It's pretty cool...lovin' my new phone!!

:)

Sisters

I am the second of three sisters. I always have been (well technically I wasn't until my little sister was born a few months before I turned six--but for all intents and purposes I have been), and I always will be.



Carrie, Katherine and I all have pretty strong personalities, just ask our significant others. :) Being with any of us can be overwhelming to the weak of heart because we know what we want and usually how to get it...but put the three of us together and we are a force to be reckoned with. Truly. Anyone unfortunate enough to be on the opposite side of our united front is destroyed (figuratively speaking, of course). And so many have been, some didn't even know it. :)
















You just can't understand the bond of sisterhood unless you've experienced it. It isn't really something that can be described. It's stronger than friendship...usually harsher as well. A sister knows you, and I mean really knows you. Not just the person you have become, but who you were before and HOW you became the person you are now, and chances are she had a major roll in shaping you. That has definitely been the case for me; my sisters are more than just family members, they are big pieces of my soul and integral aspects of my life and being...



It is no longer the three of us against the world. Don't get me wrong though, Katherine and I have awesome and amazing powers together, we just aren't as efficient with them as a pair at this point, it will only take a small period of adjustment, so those of you wanting to test our abilities best step back. :)

:::sigh:::

You don't know

I know you think you do...but you don't. You can't. And you never will. Try as hard as you can, and it's sweet that you do...but you still wont ever EVER understand. And I hope you never have to.

And in the words of Carly Simon; You're so vain. You probably think this (whatever) is about you.

:::::vent::::::

If you are reading this then it isn't about you. So don't fret.

Whose Life Is This?

That is what I find myself asking these days...Things are just so different than I ever expected. I don't even know how to plan for anything any more...I just kinda of go along with whatever is happening at that time (or at least that is what I attempt to do -- doesn't always work as well as I wish).

Now I just find myself waiting for McCall in August and wanting to just get away from it all, even if it is just for a few short days. :)

...........



So here are my three water babies...loving the "beach". :)

A Quickie

Owen just got out some toys and decided to draw this. I love him. He's so damn cute--most of the time. :)

Having Surgery

My baby sister Katherine and I (I just love her to pieces).

I am due to have surgery tonight. Sometime after 5 probably, but that isn't set in stone.

I haven't had anything other than clear liquids (with the exception of a thing of pudding and a very small milk shake yesterday) since Friday night. And I wont be able to eat for a while after surgery so I better lose like 80 pounds...not to mention the 50 pounds I'll lose from that big ol' gallbladder.

So I should be svelte by the time this is over.

Here's hoping I don't wake up during surgery and that it doesn't hurt like a mother when I wake up (I heard it can do that).

Love you all!! Ciao!!

My Family!!

Ears, Brain, Back, Blood, and Body

This is me with Miles taken last week. :)

EAR: Most recently I was at the doctor for a terrible ear ache, which turned out to be an infection that my doctor said is "worse than what she usually sees in 2 year olds." Awesome, right? So the infection turned into a perforated tympanic membrane (ear drum). Which isn't large enough to relieve the pressure, but it does leak some fun stuff, so it still hurts and now I can't hear out of that ear. :( Taking antibiotics for it as well as some ear drops.

BRAIN: I have been having bad migraines lately. Daily. Ick. They gave me Zomig nasal spray (which is killer expensive by the way). Haven't needed to take any yet, thank God.

BACK: Last month I had an MRI for my back (I've had recurring problems with it for several years). Turns out I have a herniated disc at the L5-S1 level along with bilateral facet joint osteoarthropathy at the L3-L4, L4-L5, and L5-S1 levels. It could be worse, but it still hurts like a mother. And my doc gave me 5mg norco to take, my back kinda laughs at the amount so I think I'll call her when my back hurts bad again and ask her to change it to 10mg. We'll see.

BLOOD: Blood work was done as well. Antiphospholipid panel still shows Lupus Anticoagulant at high numbers as we already knew, but also found positive for an additional antiphospholipid antibody (phosphatidylserine AB) which makes me positive for two and therefore "more likely to have clinical complications than those positive for only one." Katherine has Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome as well, but doesn't have the lupus anticoagulant, she as the cardiolipin AB (which I DON'T have) so hopefully that will be it for her.

I had genetic testing done (completely out of pocket darn it!) at the request of the coroner/pathologist who wrote the report on Carrie. I am heterozygous for the A1298C mutation (which is exactly what Carrie had). It generally doesn't pose a risk, but when combined with other clotting issues it can be a factor in venous thrombosis, etc.

BODY: In almost three months I have lost over 20 pounds...unfortunately I am still tubby so I have like 500 left, but I'll get there. :) That's almost it for the good news, health-wise.

The rest of the good news: Thyroid is normal. Female tests normal. :) CBC normal. BP is normal, which is good because it had been high after Carrie passed away.

So there you have it. Now I'm going to go do some dishes and get Gavin ready for school. My friend Lori is coming over this afternoon (as it is Wednesday) to hang and help out. Shout out to my peeps!! Where are you?? Comment damn you! I know you read this. ;)

Ciao.

These 5 Kids

And I really kinda love them all...even though the three oldest know the word "No" and use it with alarming frequency. :) I consider myself incredibly lucky to have these kids in my life every day.

Took this picture this morning. It's one of my favorites.

On Joy and Sorrow

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in our heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.


Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

*******

Kahlil Gibran -- The Prophet

Happy Birthdays

My nephew Jacob's birthday was February 7th -- The 16th of April was Owen's 4th birthday -- The 19th was my Dad's birthday -- The 30th will be Gavin's 6th birthday. We celebrated the boys birthday's at a local "Fun Center". It was pretty fun and the kids had a really nice time. I can't believe my little boys are 4 and 6 (almost). It's gone so damn fast. Here are my boys on the days they were born...





Going to check on Clara and give her some auntie kisses. :)

Check check check out these pictures...

http://www.deretich.smugmug.com/

Annoying Post

I know this is really kinda annoying and only matters to me, but I'm going to write it anyway. :)

I got an awesome deal. So I rock. But that's not the point. I got a brand new $250 iPod for $89 courtesy of promos, sales, and a $25 coupon. I'm pretty happy, can you tell?

LOVE MUSIC. Just love it and feel happiest when I am listening to it, well maybe not "happiest" per se, just pretty damn happy. See, I told you this was going to be an obnoxious post.

I also downloaded a free audiobook: "A Game of Thrones" by George RR Martin -- which is book number 1 in a series. I've read them all already, but the 5th book is coming out this fall sometime (at least it BETTER BE!!!!) and I need to brush-up on the story.

Well, that's pretty much all I have to say about that. So, have a nice day/night and maybe I'll write again soon. Kisses.

La Familia

I freakin' love my family!! I am so blessed to have the family that I have!!

My immediate family is unique and awesome. We have this funny, honest (sometimes brutally so), and loving interaction. The five of us have always had this ability to fight (not little passive aggressive crap, but full-on in-your-face fighting) and come out the other side 5, 30, 60 minutes later having totally made-up and talked it out. My sister Carrie and I had it down to a science and by the time she died, we knew each other so well that we could avoid MOST blow-ups and when they were unavoidable we were over it within minutes. :)

I find the honesty in my family refreshing, especially after discerning from the "real world" the this family dynamic is NOT the norm. For myself, I can't imagine living any other way. Contrary to popular belief, I am not constantly in search of conflict; however, I do feel that talking to someone about a problem or issue is MUCH easier than avoiding and over-analyzing. This is just from my personal history.

I don't think some people realize how close we actually are. I talk to every member of my family at least once a day, and we tell each other pretty much everything (within reason of course).

My family will never be the same with Carrie gone. There is an empty spot in the conversation. A void. It's a horrible feeling, it's as though someone took my arm and I am trying to figure out how to get along without it. I don't know if I'm "dealing" or not...or what that word actually means. Sometimes I feel like I just keep busy, but I don't always ignore the feelings I have, I just know that I don't have the time or ability to think about it all day, everyday. Who knows.

However trying I feel my life is at times, I must remember that this too will pass. Nothing is permanent. Not the bad things...and not the good things (damn!!!).

So to that I say...PASS STUPID KIDNEY INFECTION...PASS...YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS!! :)

Here is something...

A metaphor for life? Or the product of an overactive imagination? You be the judge...

A few days ago the weather outside was beautiful, warmer than it has been but with just enough of a bite in the wind to warrant a blanket for the 4 month old infant I dragged along with me outside. I sat on the swing in my yard enjoying the fresh air and cool breeze as I watched my three children laugh and play without a care in the world.

My sister Carrie's baby boy, Miles, had his head resting sweetly on my chest while covered by a blanket (a BLUE one Mom!! :) The sky was a brilliant blue with only white fluffy clouds in sight. I sat there and completely enjoyed the moment; thinking of nothing but my abundant blessings until something guided my head in the opposite direction: Towards the sun, which was veiled by several of the most exquisite clouds I had ever beheld. They were the same fluffy white as the others and each a different shape and size, but these were outlined in a majestic bright-white light from the sun behind them.

I was drawn to these clouds as though they were a destination somehow, but something was in the way of my object -- my neighbor's globe willow -- still empty of leaves from the cold winter that is still not quite over of yet. So my line of sight to those beautiful clouds was partially obstructed by the thicket of branches from that tree, and in order to see I had to maneuver my eyes through, between, and around each one. It wasn't easy, but I did it and the sight I beheld was well worth the extra work. The view was simply magnificent.

After staring at the breathtaking splendor for some time, I glanced down at Miles, who had fallen asleep, and immediately related this experience to my own life. The clouds seemed to resemble my desires, aspirations, spiritual understanding, etc. I likened the multiple tree branches to my existence and the many inevitable obstacles that it entails. So while I am currently making my way through the limbs (which often feel more like bramble) of life, I know I will eventually make it to the other side...Here's hoping the rest of the road out is a bit easier than what I've left in my wake. :)

Just Not Up To Writing

So there. I simply don't have the motivation or the desire to write much. I'll try to be better, but I make no promises. :)

If you're reading this (and there is only a small handful that do), know that I love you...even when I suck at saying it.

Hey Hey Auntie Sue

That last one was for you...just in case you didn't get that. :)

I love you.

Here's a few pictures for you...

This Is For You

I am here and I love you. Always. Always.

Goin' To Wisconsin

Yep. I'm leaving in less than an hour for the airport. It's weird to be traveling without any kiddos, it will be nice to be able to just sit and read, but I'm going to miss the little guys (and gal) a whole bunch. I'm only going to be gone for a few days and my kids are excited to play with their Nanna!!

I hope the flight is good and we don't hit any bad weather or turbulence. I'm such a wuss. :)

Well, I'm gonna miss you guys. Give the kids hugs and kisses from me all the time and I'll see you when I get back (and I'll have Miles and Clara with me, YEA'!)

Ciao peeps!!