June 9th

For my son who is dearly missed.

On June 9th my family and I celebrated what would have been my son Ethan's 5th birthday. He was stillborn June 9th 2001 (for a more detailed story visit Ethan's Page), and every year for the past 4 years we've "celebrated" his birth in some way. This year Johnny and I took the boys to see the movie Cars in the theater; Gavin did very well and LOVED the movie...Owen sat somewhat still for about an hour and a half (that unfortunately included previews etc) after which time I took him out to walk around for a while, then we went to the car and hung out together. He dumped out my purse, organized my change, and threw a few things out the window; he regretted those decisions when the window got rolled up.

Took the kids to the mall afterwards, saw my little sister and the boys got some well earned Cars toys. :) When we arrived home there was a GIANT plant on my front porch from my friends, with a card that said they were thinking of us. Don't mean to brag, but I have the best friends in the world!! They really helped make my day more bearable. Not to mention just an hour or so later flowers arrived from my friend Sara!!

I truly can't explain how important it is to me to have my family and friends call and think of us and Ethan on his birthday...when you lose a baby you remember it all for the rest of your life...all the anniversaries; due date, birthday, etc. And it is difficult to realize that the world goes on around you and people often don't even know how to tell you they remember (though some people you wish could remember completely forget year after year). Having people who care enough to just make a quick phone call or send a card, it makes it all seem as though your baby isn't just gone and forgotten. Difficult to understand unless you've lost a baby, but it's true.

It was probably the most difficult birthday so far and it's likely because it's the first time I've been pregnant ON June 9th. I spent the majority of the day remembering how it all felt and feeling such a deep compassion for the young girl I was; wishing I could hug her and tell her that she would be alright, and realizing that that day played a pivotal role in the woman I am today, for that I am thankful.