June 8th...

Really did sneak up on me this year. I can't believe it's already here, I can tell you what I was doing exactly 6 years ago today... at 1 PM-ish, I was sitting in the room and was just told only a few minutes ago that my baby had no heart beat. We were struggling to get word to my husband who was busy at work. I remember every minute, I was talking to my friend Catie about anything other than my dead baby. I was in shock. The thought that I would have to deliver, and subsequently bury my little baby, never entered my mind.


Ugh, the 8th is such a hard day, just as hard as tomorrow (the day I delivered him). I hurt. My poor baby; if only I had gone to the doctor sooner...


Well, I think I'm just going to go sit and think for a while but I'll copy and paste the original "birth story" I wrote shortly after Ethan was born 6 years ago. (I haven't edited it or anything since I wrote it...)



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I had an appointment at 10:15 AM; I was there by 10. They weighed me, took my blood pressure and had me sit down and wait.

11:15 AM, I was called in. I told my doctor I was retaining lots of water and how uncomfortable it was. She measured my fundus (height of my uterus), which measured 32cm a little on the small size for my gestation. But again there was no worry. Then she listened to the heartbeat, which was "in the 120-130's with good variability." I also explained that there had been very little movement that entire morning and I didn't know if that was because I was up and about doing things the whole time. Again nothing.


My blood pressure was still elevated and my edema was so bad she said she was pretty sure I had pre-eclampsia and would send my to the lab for a urine test and some blood work, and that I should wait for the results of the protein in my urine. I waited. Eventually she came back out and told me that they consider anything of 30 high and mine was well over 100, so I was going to the hospital to be monitored.

12:15 PM, I went home to drop off my 24-hour urine collection "thing" and call my parents to let them know what was going on. Then I called my friend Catie to see if she could go to the hospital with me, she agreed. I drove to her house, left my car and she drove us.

12:40 PM, When we got to the OBSCU I was joking with the nurse and just generally happy, nothing bad could happen to me. Or so I thought. When she tried to hook me up to the fetal monitor, she couldn't find the heartbeat. I was not worried, she said it could possibly be the way the baby is positioned and went to get an OB to do and ultrasound to see.

1 PM, While I was talking to Catie, the OB came in, introduced herself and went about setting up for the ultrasound. When she started doing it I remember making a comment about how I could not tell what anything was, then she scanned over the heart, I knew what that was. It was my baby's heart and it was not beating. It was loudly still. My heart was broken. Maybe I was wrong. But then she said it, "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat, and there doesn't appear to be any amniotic fluid either." The latter part took me by surprise because I was pretty sure my water didn't break and wasn't leaking so I didn't know what happened.

She explained it, the baby needs to be constantly regenerating the fluid, it drinks it and urinates to keep it in good supply. But when a baby has died, its body just absorbs it, hence the lack of fluid. She told me it appeared as though my baby had been dead for a day or so. But why was there a heartbeat at the doctor's office? I couldn't believe it, my baby had died and I didn't even know. What kind of mother am I?

1:05 PM, I asked my fried Catie if she could please call my husbands work and get him over here. He was standing watch and extremely busy so said they would have him get back to us as soon as he was done. This did not make me happy. Eventually we got word that he was on his way but had no idea what was going on.

2:25-2:30 PM, On his way up to the OB Floor he ran into my cousin Kelly, whom I hadn't seen in over 4 months (and was pregnant as well and due 2 months after me), and happens to be the ONLY family I have within 1500 miles. (Husband is in the Navy). Kelly stopped him but he interrupted her to say I was up stairs and he needed to get to me. Then he walked into my room.

Almost immediately the OB said "I'm very sorry, but your baby has passed away." I will never forget the look on his face when she told him, it was almost as if my heart were breaking for a second time. I felt like such a failure, I couldn't even have our baby. We cried and held each other for a few minutes. I was told they needed to start the induction right away because my blood pressure was dangerously high and they didn't have time to wait.

2:45 PM, I undressed and got into the hospital gown, and they walked my down the hall from the OB Special Care Unit to the delivery room. It was a long walk, and I can still see the faces of the people who watched.

3 PM, It took them over an hour to get the IV started with my edema being so bad. Took 3 nurses, an anesthesiologist, and 5 pokes (that I can remember) to get that IV in. And it was in my arm, on the inside of my elbow so the entire time I was in labor, if I bent my arm the IV would beep saying I wasn't getting the "stuff" I was supposed to. Kind of funny.

While they were putting in the IV, my cousin Kelly came up to see what was going on, after my husband told her what had happened she came into my room crying. She stayed for a little while and asked what she could do to help. She had her 2 year old with her so she had to get going after about a half an hour of visiting.

4 PM, They gave me half a tablet of cytotec behind my cervix to get it to ripen, because my body was NOT ready for labor. They also started me on Magnesium Sulfate to lower my blood pressure, fluids for obvious reasons, and put in a catheter because the Mag-sulfate decreases your muscle control and we didn't want any accidents.

The Magnesium Sulfate gives you incredibly intense hot flashes and makes you sick to your stomach. So my body was cold, my face was REALLY hot and I felt pretty damn sick to my stomach.

Then Johnny (my husband) had to call the family. My parents first, my mom was the only one home. She drove to the park where my Dad and little sister were having softball practice to tell them. She also told my grandparents and other family as well.

This was also when Johnny had a couple he works with come over. They brought him food and visited with us for a while. They were really concerned and even fixed the fan in my room so it didn't rattle.

Back to the labor part:

5 PM, My mom called to say she was coming up from California to be with us (in Washington state). And my doctor got there, she was very sorry. I remember her saying "We heard a heartbeat didn't we." She checked me at that time and I was not really dilated and 90% effaced. She gave me the other half of the cytotec and went on her merry way.

7:30--8 PM, Our friends Catie (the one who came with me to the hospital) and Jerry (her husband) and their baby, Samantha (SHE'S SO CUTE!), came by again to drop off our car. He also brought food for Johnny and flowers for me, so sweet. They stayed for a little while and we had a nice conversation and thanked them for everything they did.

9 PM or so, The catheter was making me very uncomfortable; stick me with needles all you want, but make sure that catheter is in the right way. OUCH! I bitched enough for them to give me some pain medication (Demerol). That sounds bad but the nurse who put it in didn't do a very good job so the initial pain you should experience with it was never-ending. Boy did that Demerol mess me up.

I woke up a few times to vomit then fell back to sleep.

1 AM (about), my mother got there, the nurses said "Stacey, your moms here." I woke up to smile and then my head hit the pillow again.

1:30 AM, I came back around, still sick and vomiting but not totally doped up on Demerol anymore. I hugged my mom and cried. It was so hard; I just kept feeling like I let everyone down.

2 AM (about), they started the Pitocin drip. Then started the contractions!

3 AM; The contractions started to hurt! I asked for my epidural at that point.

4 AM, (an hour later!) The anesthesiologist came in and said I would have to wait because there was someone in there further along in labor than I was but he'd be back in 15 minutes. I was about 1cm and 90% effaced at this point.

5 AM, (Another hour later!) he finally returned and started the epi process. I was definitely NOT a happy camper. Then came all the prep work, putting the cath in there and getting the medication to work.

6 AM, before the epidural started working. Even then it wasn't total relief as one in labor would hope to get, I still felt some pressure in my lower abdominal area. But it was ok, so I took a nap. So did Johnny.

6:45 AM, The epidural stopped working! I had been up for about 5 minutes talking to my mom and I started to feel them coming on more aggressively and by 6:45 AM they were so bad! If you watched the monitor, you could see that it was almost like ONE HUGE contraction with little dips here and there, but they never went away. Even those "dips" I got wasn't really relief because it wasn't as though the contraction was stopping, it was merely letting up a little. Ugh. Not fun. I wanted the anesthesiologist in there RIGHT AWAY!

7:00 AM, He got there fairly quickly and said, "let's try something." And injected something into the epidural "IV." Then he said, "I'LL BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES!"

7:30 AM, BAD contractions and the anesthesiologist still wasn't there. My doctor checked me: 2 "almost three" cm and fully effaced.

7:50 AM, Still no anesthesiologist. AND I HAD TO PUSH! I told my mom and husband and my doctor came running in. She tried to check me as quickly as possible and found I was complete. I was pushing!

7:55 AM, I passed out.

7:55 AM and 45 sec, I woke up.

8:00 AM, My baby was born asleep.

8:01 AM, My mom says, "It's a boy!"

Then they took him away and cleaned him up a little and gave him back. A nurse took some digital pictures of us with him. We got his footprints, the inkpad they used for his footprints, the hat he was wearing, the blanket he was wrapped in, and many wonderful memories.


Ethan Michael
June 9, 2001 @ 8:00 AM
2lbs 15.7 oz --- 15.5 inches